Do Parents Over Validate the Feelings of Kids? I’m sure you’ve heard the psychological advice from today’s specialists that states we should “validate our child’s feelings.” But, isn’t over-validating the feelings of kids just as (if not more) harmful? Do Parents Over-Validate the Feelings of Kids?
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Modern parents read a lot and try to educate themselves on the best parenting styles so they can raise their children the healthiest ways possible. So, when you hear something from the pros, you feel anxious to do what they suggest, for fear that you might otherwise “screw up” your child. But, in this case I have to wonder “Are we truly preparing our children for ‘life'”?
Do Parents Over Validate the Feelings of Kids?
My daughter tends to fall into some dramatics now and then. Without trying to label her harshly, she can either be very “up” or very “down.” Sometimes she is prone to overreacting to small situations. I tell her if I feel she is reacting too strongly for what the situation warrants and she does not need to be that upset. After reading what the experts say, I wondered if I might have scarred my child for taking the completely advised against approach.
But, the more I thought about it, the less comfortable I felt following the expert advice. So I decided to discuss it with my daughter’s pediatrician who delves into way more than tongue depressors and stethoscopes. She didn’t seem the least bit surprised when I talked to her about the validation issue and told me that validation is important… but only to a point.
It’s not that I am dismissing that my daughter can become upset. I’m glad she comes to me for help. I try my best to get her through the frustration phase of an event and on to the “now what?” phase as soon as possible. If I don’t tell her to calm down and deal with the situation more rationally, then not only will she appear overly dramatic to everyone around us, but she will also be less able to adapt to situations and handle problems. Plus, I wonder what will happen when she faces setbacks and I’m not around. Can she expect a teacher to “validate” her frustration if she breaks a shoelace? I don’t think so.
I fear that if I constantly validate my children’s feelings, then I could possibly be promoting a stagnant approach to their emotional growth instead of allowing them to naturally progress to different stages of coping. More importantly to me, I want to be able to teach her the independence of handling a setback on her own.
I guess it all comes down to preparation. I want to raise my kids to become responsible adults that can cope with life by rolling with the punches, conquering issues and shooting for the stars. So, I need to make it my job to provide them with a good balance of love and understanding along with great doses of independence and coping skills. Of course, this is easier said than done, but I’ll give it my best shot.
What do you think? Do Parents Over Validate the Feelings of Kids?
