The Toddler’s Creed – I found the old, complete Toddler’s Creed that used to get passed around email and facebook quite a bit from “back in the day”. Personally I feel like I could add 10 or 15 more to this list.
The Toddler’s Creed is even funnier to me now that my kids are WAY past those stages – when I first read it my kids were toddlers – now? not so much :).
OAKLAND COUNTY MOMS BLOG ENTRIES
The Toddler’s Creed – Author Unknown
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy’s hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn’t stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it is food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with an arched back.
If it is Mommy (or Daddy), it must be hugged.
I am toddler!
Remember the days before social media? You’d get a funny email and then mass forward it to everyone you knew? I think that’s how I first learned about the Toddler’s Creed. It might have been back in the AOL dialup days. Anyways, it’s still funny to me after all of these years.
I can’t decide if these are funnier to me in hindsight? Or when I was living them when both of my children were that age and I was living The Toddler’s Creed “in the moment”. I think we need a teenager one, that one might be funnier (and much longer).
Do you have any items that should be added to The Toddler’s Creed?
