Sex Tips from Dr Wendy Walsh – I spoke to author and sex expert Dr. Wendy Walsh to find out her thoughts on how to help couples keep the sexual fires burning for married couples!
Recent women’s sexual studies and statistics show that while women are more open to experimentation in the bedroom, they are still reluctant to communicate their desires to their partners. I went to the expert for this interview – Sex Tips from Dr Wendy Walsh.
Sex Tips from Dr Wendy Walsh
Lisa LaGrou of Oakland County Moms – You cite a survey where 81% of men and women polled want a better sex life but only 30% want to discuss it. Why do you think that so many men and women won’t discuss sex with their partners?
Dr. Wendy Walsh, MA, PhD, Author and Expert on Sex and Relationships – I’m sort of surprised by this statistic because we live in such a sexually provocative age where companies are using sex to sell us just about every product under the sun – yet, we can’t talk about it with the person we love the most in the world. There’s a big disconnect there. I think people still have shame issues. I think people who have specific sexual desires are afraid they will be thought of as weird if they express them. But, the person to start with is the person you know who loves you, right?
Lisa LaGrou of Oakland County Moms – What advice do you have for couples who don’t see eye-to-eye on the “adventures” they want to try in the bedroom?
Dr. Wendy Walsh, MA, PhD, Author and Expert on Sex and Relationships – Well, I think that if you love somebody, you’re going to talk about it. And, that’s the most important thing. And, like everything else in long-term monogamy, life is one big compromise. So, you’re going to figure out which areas you’re going to have a little give on, and which areas are a clear boundary to you because it feels too awful or whatever. And you’re going to find some common ground once you start to talk about it. I think that survey was done by We-Vibe®4 and I think that they really hit the nail when they started seeing that what people wanted and what people were willing to talk about are two different things.
Lisa LaGrou of Oakland County Moms – Can you discuss ways to keep the sexual sparks going in a marriage or long-term relationship? Give us some great sex tips…
Dr. Wendy Walsh, MA, PhD, Author and Expert on Sex and Relationships – Sure. The most common thing that happens to couples in long-term monogamy is their sexual script becomes very, very narrow. They get to know each other’s instruments so well, they’re playing it, they go right to the go-to places, and they’re down to playing two strings. So, what’s important is to get out of that area, get all the feeling back to other areas of the body. Even if you do a week of just foot massages for each other, a week of hand holding, a week of back rubs… to try to get some sensitivity in the other areas. And, also, while you’re busy saying “no, no, no, we probably shouldn’t go there – remember we’re just going to do foot massages,” that can be arousing in itself, because remember the mathematical equations for hot sex is attraction plus obstacle. So, if you were to go see a sex therapist, the first thing she would say is “No sex for six weeks while I teach you to enjoy other parts of the body.” Well, no couple usually lasts six weeks. You also might to try to gently introduce other products. I’m not a big fan of pornography because research shows that most men are watching too much of it anyway and it’s desensitizing them and they’re able to fantasize as well. A small amount of pornography used together can sometimes be helpful in monogamy, only if the woman is comfortable with it. There is this new We-Vibe®4 couples massager that the woman uses where she actually wears it and it stimulates her G-spot and her C-spot, and the man also gets stimulation at the same time. So, that something you can bring up and they could use together while they’re making love.
Lisa LaGrou of Oakland County Moms – What sex tips do you have for the really busy couples or couples with kids to maintain a healthy sex life?
Dr. Wendy Walsh, MA, PhD, Author and Expert on Sex and Relationships – Two things. Change your expectations. We are living in what I call a high supply sexual economy. My book, The 30-Day Love Detox, talks all about it. So, there is this idea that everybody is having plenty of hot sex all the time, which is just absolutely unrealistic. I think the important thing to know is that it can come back. You just need to talk about it and find a time, and I think scheduling sex is a really good idea. It sounds unromantic but I think women, we’re a crock pot and men are a microwave oven – so if we know it’s on the schedule, it can allow us some time to get warmed up mentally for it.
Lisa LaGrou of Oakland County Moms – Can you tell us more about your book “The Boyfriend Test”?
Dr. Wendy Walsh, MA, PhD, Author and Expert on Sex and Relationships – My Boyfriend Test book is called how to evaluate his potential before you lose your heart. It’s a way to put women in the driver’s seat and remind them that they’re the ones doing the interviewing here…It’s how to psychologically profile someone in the first 90 days. But, the 30-Day Love Detox is the best seller that’s out right now. And, that book is really about avoiding the commitment-phobic guys that are out there to find one who wants a real relationship.
More Sex Tips from Dr Wendy Walsh
- It may sound counter intuitive, but scheduling sex can make sex better. That’s because women take a lot longer to warm up and need the psycho-social aspect as well. For instance, if a woman knows that Saturday is the night, it may inspire her to pick up a new scented candle, body oil or even a piece of lingerie the day before. And making a sex schedule can be a fun activity in itself!
- If you can’t talk about your fantasies, write them down. In a monogamous version of a “key party,” each time you have sex, take turns drawing a piece of paper from a jar that contains your partner’s fantasies. You never know what exciting event will be in store for you.
- When babies need to be stimulated by new toys, all a mother has to do it move the old toys to a new room. In that new environment, the toy seems new again. The same thing can work for couples. Roll through a list of spaces in your home, garage, or garden to make sex exciting.
- The biggest formula for excitement is this; Attraction + Obstacle = Arousal. What playful obstacles can you put in your love life? Wardrobe that won’t come off easily? A boring dinner party where you lock eyes with your partner and do invisible foreplay all evening? A place where you might get caught?
ABOUT DR. WENDY WALSH
Dr. Wendy Walsh is a leading expert and author on sex and relationships. Each week, she delivers insights into the psychology of sex, sex tips, love, gender roles, parenting and other human behaviors on national television shows such as CNN, Fox’s “The O’Reilly Factor” and Investigation Discovery’s “Happily Never After.” As resident expert at DatingAdvice.com, no subject is taboo in her popular advice column. She brought her trademark no-holds-barred style to season four of the Doctors and the show was nominated for a 2012 daytime Emmy award. Dr. Walsh has written three books including “The Boyfriend Test,” “The Girlfriend Test” and the best-selling “The 30-Day Love Detox.” Dr. Walsh also lectures on evolutionary psychology and human mating strategies at California State University Channel Islands. She holds a B.A. in Journalism, a Master’s degree in Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. She has appeared on The Today Show, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, The Ricki Lake Show and The View.
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